I was in the library yesterday, the local public one and I noticed something: easily 80% of the books in there were “romance” novels i.e female porn. Something else I noticed is that most of them have rather rapey titles like “The sheik’s reluctant lover”. I’m not actually making that one up.
So much for “teach men not to rape”. Romcoms are just as………I was going to say just as bad but I’m not sure I want to call them bad. Have you ever studied the average lead male in a romcom? He’s either a stalker or a rapist, at the very least he’s unhealthily obsessed with the lead female, can’t take no for an answer, hangs around her workplace or the places she hangs out, kisses her when she pushes him away, even forces himself on her when she says no. You know, stuff that people get arrested for. This is one of these things feminism kinda has to just yell “Patriarchy!” at, because otherwise they’d have to admit that women just like these kind of stories and the men in them.
As a teenager and a young adult I found all this stuff rather confusing. These days boys are brought up with “Listen to what she says, respect her as a human being, no means no” and then when you get to being a young man you find that you’re running around listening to her, doing everything she says. You’re doing exactly what you’ve been brought up to do, you’re also a virgin that hasn’t even been kissed, despite the fact that most of your friends are female and through them you meet new women all the time. Now and again you develop feelings for one of these friends and invariably you get told that she “doesn’t want to risk the friendship” or “she isn’t ready for a relationship” or something. She still relies on you for emotional support and when her new boyfriend starts mistreating her you have to be there for her, just like you were there for her when the last boyfriend mistreated her.
The first few times this happens you chalk it off as one of those things, not everyone is compatible with everyone else, right? She doesn’t feel the same, that’s fine. Besides everyone says you’ll make a wonderful boyfriend for someone one day, you’re a great guy. You’re not like those other, nasty, guys and you feel good about that. There’s someone out there for everyone! You’re disappointed that your friends so far have not returned your feelings but you respect their choices and you’re proud to be the kind of guy that can be there for them anyway. This goes on for years “maybe next time, maybe next time, there’s someone out there for me, I just have to find her.” Or maybe you listen to “Stop looking and it’ll happen when you least expect it” so you stop looking.
Then one day it hits you. It’s not them, it’s you. There’s something wrong with you. There’s something really wrong with you. You’re doing everything right, you’re following the formula perfectly, you’re attentive, you’re supportive, you’re caring, you take an interest in them as people rather than sex objects, so it must be that there is some deep, hidden flaw in you which only women can see. Of course you ask them what’s wrong with you and you get told that there’s nothing wrong with you, you just haven’t found the right person yet. You notice something about the guys they’re with though, they’re not like you. They’re not caring, they’re not attentive, they’re not going to be there much longer either and everything with them happens so quickly, your friends meet them one week, sleep with them the next, whereas you are told to be patient, not to rush.
These guys are obviously better than you. They’re so much better than you that they don’t even have to follow the rules. Soon it’s like a splinter in your mind, digging it’s way into you “What’s wrong with me? I’m doing everything I’ve been told to do” soon you’re beating yourself up “I’m ugly, that must be it” but you get reassurance that actually, you’re kinda good looking. This makes it worse, because now you don’t know what your flaw is but you know every woman can immediately see it, maybe even the guys can see it too, but you can’t. You become massively self-concious as you try and find this flaw, it nags at you constantly and every time you meet someone it only gets worse. They can see your flaw, you can’t and they’re going to reject you for it, because that’s what you are, you’re a reject. You’re some pathetic, badly made thing that gets thrown in the dust bin and you don’t know why and nobody will tell you.
It’s not long before you hate yourself. You’re worthless. Nobody wants you. Oh sure you have friends but you’re still lonely and you’ve always been rejected and because of your flaw you’re always going to be rejected and the pain is soul destroying. Literally soul destroying because it eats away at you and destroys your character. Rage builds in you, “Why was I made like this?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Why me? Why not one of those arseholes that keeps sleeping with my friends?” “I’ve done nothing wrong, I’ve tried my best to do everything my female friends want and all I get is pain and rejection.” You feel that if you crawled under a rock and died no-one would care. The feminists like to say that “nice guys” feel entitled to sex. No, to be a nice guy is to know that you’ve entitled to nothing, is to know that you are nothing to anyone. It’s to know that if you were about to commit suicide no-one would bother to stop you, you’re not even entitled to live.
Eventually you just stop talking to women. They don’t want you to talk to them, you’re just bothering them. You end up a little reclusive and shy, the pain is unbearable and most nights you go to sleep hoping you don’t wake up. You just wish there was one person who could see past your flaw and care for you and how special that person would be to you. How you’d care for them in return, how you’d love them. You’re in a very, very dark place. Women are now just a source of pain, each new one you meet just reminds you how worthless you are, so you avoid them.
That’s being a nice guy and very few nice guys get beyond this stage. The one’s that do usually end up being total arseholes and players. No-ones ever found their feelings important so they don’t see why other people’s feelings are important but they’ve learned what works and what doesn’t work with women and that’s usually fulfilling the standard female fantasy of a confident, bold, sexually aggressive male “sweeping her off her feet”.