Bleugh

Do I want more sex? I often find myself really quite disappointed by sex. There’s sex with S which is earth shatteringly good right across the spectrum from slapping her arse and calling her every name under the sun while pulling her hair to the ultra soft and gentle sex which makes me feel so wanted, safe and secure as well as indescribably relaxed to the point where I actually feel sleepy.I love sex with S and crave it massively, not least because I am essentially a four year old looking for security and having a busty thirty-two year old holding me against her breast stroking my back and shhing in my ear oddly enough tells my brain that I am now secure.

Actually evolutionary psychologists hypothesise that a group of human males by one of those random events of evolution started finding breasts sexually interesting, and so started playing with and especially sucking them, imitating babies triggering a bonding mechanism in females that was originally evolved to promote mother-child bonding. These male-female couples bonded to each other better than the males who weren’t interested in breasts and these breast loving males were consequently more reproductively successful.

I mean you’d think that cumming on breasts is cumming on breasts, but it isn’t. Cumming on a random woman’s breasts is spectacularly unexciting but cumming on S’s breasts is a massive testosterone fueled rush combined with a very deep feeling of attachment. It is in fact nothing short of an act of worship. I had a feminist friend, who’s boobs I’d just so graced, and she was saying that actually it was a degrading act because it was representative of men taking ownership of women and marking them as their territory to which I responded that if it’s possible to have a sense of ownership without having a sense of self independent of the person you’re jizzing on and supposedly want to own there might be a point in that. Actually we’re still friends and she still doesn’t get it. 

Other than with S I often find sex quite unsatisfying. I have overwhelming urges to jump into bed with random women, like a fat kid in a sweet shop might try gobbling everything in sight, but I think that deep down I really only enjoy sex with women that make me feel looked after. Rather makes a mockery of me in that I’m chasing something I know I don’t enjoy. Which isn’t entirely true, I enjoy the rush of meeting someone new, the expectation of what’s about to happen, I enjoy the build up to it all but the sex isn’t the same. It doesn’t feel as satisfying as collapsing into S, feeling her wrap her legs around me, the kisses on the forehead. There isn’t that warm peaceful feeling or even the feeling of being the ubermensch and totally godlike.  

All that said if I got a random offer of sex I’d probably go for it.

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