Last night was….awkward. B’s like “Where’s the usual bouncy manic you?”. I just couldn’t get into it. We went to this restaurant and the highlight was this waitress with an amazing figure. I had the chili con carne, which somehow was quite dry and tasteless. Oh and the fight we nearly had. I came across B who was quite clearly getting ready to knock this guy out. So I said to the guy “Don’t, just don’t, please don’t” which he took to be me shitting myself, but was in fact me saying “You start, I’ll start”. Fortunately this also happened to diffuse the situation and. in fairness, he seems to be a pretty okay guy.
Now I’m just zonked, bit fed up and frankly I want to go to bed with S, bury my face between her breasts and go to sleep with her wrapped around me. This, I find, solves pretty much all problems. There have been times when I’ve basically wanted to be dead but after ten minutes of S’s snuggles and attention I find myself thinking “Well, you know, I can put off death for ten minutes or so.” The other thing is the kisses on the forehead which are the most magical thing in the world, they literally cure insomnia. You know when you’re exhausted but you just know you can’t sleep. I’ve gone from feeling like that to being in the land of nod in a couple of minutes just from a good cuddle and a few kisses on the forehead, that, and S’s magical bed which is stupidly comfy and smells divine because basically it smells of her. I’m often quite disappointed to climb into it and find that the sheets are fresh, it spoils it for me.
I love laying there with her legs wrapped around me, her scent filling my consciousness, the sound of her breathing and the heat of her body, the break in the breathing just before she kisses my forehead, the feel of her fingers stroking up and down my body. She knows full well that this will put me to sleep in minutes even if I’m rested, but she teases me “Stay awake, don’t sleep”. It’s awesome.
Occasionally it bothers me that essentially I am often a big baby, but then I reflect on the fact that it feels so good to be looked after like that and it’s not like I don’t basically do the same for her when she needs it. That’s where I want to be now, all safely snuggled up, duvet wrapped around us, her gently rocking us. Meh, distance you are so cruel.