I feel the overwhelming need to bang about 40% of women in sight. I can’t remember her letter, let’s call her Maple (this blog could end up reading like a John le Carre novel). Maple and I met ages ago on an online site and various amounts of chat and flirting took place. At one point we were talking pretty much all day every day, now we chat maybe every other day. The point at which I realised that I am stupidly horny was when one sunday morning recently I found myself chatting to Maple. Maple now has a boyfriend and so sex chat has been a no no for a while. Sunday morning I made her crack. This was after the Saturday night where I got off with four women, three of which I remember, earning the pseudo-opprobrium of several of my female friends; you know that kind of opprobrium where officially they chide you but actually wouldn’t say no if you tried it on with them. It was relating this night to Maple that started the whole conversation in motion.
Not all of the Saturday night was my doing. A random girl, let’s call her Peach, came up to me. Peach and I have exchanged a few words here and there and I vaguely know friends of hers but we’ve never really talked. I was doing the rounds and saying hello to everyone and Peach hugged me, which is fair enough, only she didn’t let go, instead she held me quite close and started telling me how much she liked me. While this was going on we were getting closer and closer and closer, a kiss was brewing and I was in the mood for a bit of fun and, as usual, interested in seeing how far this situation would go. It got as far as a peck on the lips.
Later I found out that this is because Peach has this male friend who basically follows her around and is balls deep in her friend’s zone and this male friend wasn’t too far away. The thing about Peach is that she is close to some women who are close to some of my friends and so while I would usually hop into bed immediately with her if given the chance I feel that it would cause too much trouble in the long run. Instead I propositioned K who said that she didn’t think of me like that and that she didn’t feel that I would proposition her if I were sober, which is horseshit. K’s boobs are, at least, H cups and I suspect perhaps J cups, she’s tall, cuddly, I’d bang her in a heartbeat.
Infrequent readers are like zomg! You’re judging women by their bra size. To which I reply that studies show a correlation between intelligence and bra size and that I have the mind of a four year old. At this moment C with her huge boobs is looking over my shoulder. I find this disconcerting.