So it is 06:14 zulu. If you don’t know what zulu time is, you’re a pleb. One has just rolled in. I say just approximately 05:30 zulu one rolled in and one, being fucking starving and not eaten for probably 24 to 36 hours, I proceeded to cook a chicken fillet on my griddle pan. Mum poked her head around the door approximately 05:45 zulu because she had heard me come in, but not come upstairs and had therefore assumed that I had passed out in the kitchen, which is ludicrous. So mum stuck her head around the door at the exact moment I’m rooting through MY spice and herb box looking for the dill and I’m like, “where the fuck is MY dill?”  I buy all the herbs and spices so they’re mine.

Eventually me and mum had one of those chats that we have when I’ve been drinking where I fill her in on my life, I told her about Dakota and the fact that tonight, I being godlike, got off with two of my female friends who then got off with each other and I then got off with them both again and this basically went on all night. My legend has therefore been added to because B and another mate of mine saw this. Naturlich I am quite pleased with myself.

Not being funny but I love my griddle pan. It’s manly. Also it leaves the meat really juicy and succulent. Like the outside gets nicely charred and there’s a bit of a herby crust, but the inside is so moist and tender and the whole thing is an appertising brilliant white. So good. I don’t understand why anyone would cook meat any other way, unless you’re making a stew or chili or something, but if you’ve basically got a large piece of meat the griddle pan is, in my opinion, the only way to cook.

Hmm zero seven two nine zulu. Time for toast, hot chocolate and bed.


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