I suspect that this is not rhyme or reasonless, but I really crave meat when I’m depressed or in whatever state I’m in now. Like stews and chili, big chunks of beef and venison, chicken, not so much pork oddly except maybe sausages or bacon. What I really crave is chunks of meat in a rich, thick, meaty sauce. Ribs in BBQ sauce, buffalo wings, beef in black bean sauce and boy can I eat. I just realised that ribs are, in this instance, pork…….hmm. You couldn’t bribe me with a pork chop though. A large plate of BBQ ribs, absolutely, but not a plate of pork chops or even lamb for that matter.

I think tomorrow when I’m out drinking I might order myself a weatherspoon sharer which I haven’t done since S and I did this about a week back. The look on the waitress’ face was classic, she must have been expecting about eight or so people for these two sharers and there’s us two. Needless to say they were both rapidly demolished in total silence. This is S who is normally picky about eating, is chronically worried about putting on weight and getting fat and yet was pretty much cramming as much food as she could into her mouth and at that moment I was like: This is a bipolar thing. There’s something biological going on here where our brains are like, “Find as much high calorie food as possible and eat it”. Next time she’s online I’m going to ask if she has meat cravings.

It’s not carbs or sugar, I look at sweet things and I’m disinterested but chili and stew are like sacred meals to me. I’m not even that keen on stew. Mum makes it and it’s so bland and the meat is so dry and chewy and the gravy so watery. I keep meaning to make it myself because basically whatever I cook seems to turn out pretty decent. I would actually do pretty much all the cooking right now if I wasn’t so tired.

It’s the bloody sauce, isn’t it? The BBQ sauce, the buffalo wings with that spicy, STICKY sauce, the black bean sauce with who knows what in it. No idea about the stew, but chili, the beans maybe, the tomato sauce, flour as a thickening agent, the rice, I bet there’s a ton of carbs in the sauces of all these things. Chicken, usually have it deep fried. Carbs.


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