I’m still sleeping a lot, but I think I’m down to eleven or twelve hours a day. My mood is still okayish, few wobbles here and there but generally okay. I can’t concentrate for shit though and even simple tasks can be quite difficult. I went training last night, I skipped Monday because I was just too tired, and I was putting the mats out and I was a right clusterfuck. Sensei was constantly having to yell at me and explain things two or three times and I’m talking about having to tell me which side of the mat goes on the floor, you know, stupid simple shit. Eventually he asked if I’d slept since I look tired apparently and I was like, “I think I got about eight hours, sensei”.

On Wednesday I managed to crawl out of bed, vaguely shower and then I monged out on the sofa watching “In Search of The Trojan War” and I think I fell asleep a couple of times. I’ve got all these forms to fill in and I try and read them and none of it is going in. I’ve realised that if this were a physical illness I would just say what was wrong with me but when it’s psychological or mental then it really changes things I can only tell close friends and random strangers who read my blog. I don’t even tell my family. Now that I’ve said that I’m reminded that actually this is as much physical as mental: I am physically exhausted.


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