I’m trying to sort out how I feel about India. She’s gone away to Europe for a week. Let’s just pause there. No, the UK is not Europe. So she’s gone to Europe for a week and I pretty much have a standing invite to go over and spend time with her. I asked Maple if she would invite a guy to come and stay alone with her in a flat for a week as an innocent thing to which Maple answered in the negative. Perhaps that’s just Maple though. When India and me went for a drink a couple of weeks back she basically said that I came onto her at New Year and she didn’t kiss me because there was no way we could have sex that night but I don’t know what to believe; this is a story that keeps changing but I’m wondering if it’s changing because of the presence of J.
J is a complicating factor when it comes to women and me. Dakota has the same trick as India when J is around. As soon as J leaves she opens up and we have these conversations about sex and relationships and how we’re feeling and they’re the kind of conversations that could be taken as just being general or they could be about us, India is the same only they’re explicitly about us. The next time we saw each other after new year J went to the bar and she followed him with her eyes for few seconds and then lent on one elbow with an accusatory smirk on her face. “You hit on me at the party!” Then she told me that if it had been anyone else she would never have seen them again and it was a demonstration of the test of the friendship that we were still friends. When J was ill and we met for our weekly drink the story was that it was because that there was no where for us to have sex or that for some reason we couldn’t have sex that night, we couldn’t “go further”. This was the night that felt like a date and ended with a kiss on the cheek that came out of no where.
I wouldn’t call it mixed signals, more changing signals. Me being me I choose to read as little into things as possible which I acknowledge probably costs me more sex than it gets me because women can often be obtuse in their subtlety. I’m reminded of a certain woman I did undergrad with who after a night of drinking at hers suddenly looked at me with a scowl and yelled, “ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?”. It’s not that I didn’t see the signs it’s that I occasionally err on the side of caution. Some women can be a bit, “The bastard finds me attractive. What a creep!”.
So I don’t know. Frequent readers may be all “But what about Dakota”. I’ll tell you what about Dakota, I’m really missing her. India royally screws up the equation; I can’t even decide if I’m physically attracted to her or not. She is stunningly hot, but she’s not really my type. Tall, curvy, busty women are my thing generally. She’s petite, slim and toned, has small pert boobs. I move between disinterest and passionate lust for her. It’s so confusing.
Anyway, I have to head off to training now.