Bleugh

I’m yoyoing. There’s a kind of persistent anxiety which I have, I visualise it as a wall or a cliff that I’m always about to drop off in the near future, I’m very aware of time. This is semi-normal for my depression. At the worst I couldn’t think more than fifteen minutes into the future; it’s bizarre trying to explain it now, or even think about it; I have the memory of it but it doesn’t make sense. This feels more like something bad will happen tomorrow, always tomorrow, I’m always pressed for time; I’m aw,are of hours ticking by and counting down. I know it’s three hours until one o’clock, four hours until two o’clock, it’s twenty minutes to the hour a constant awareness of time passing and anxiety about it. Not bad anxiety, like a one or two out of ten but it’s always there.

That said my mood is still fine, better than fine often with the occasional slip. I was so positive and optimistic last night.

In other news my cousin has stayed with us this week and I’ve decided that this needs to happen more often; I haven’t eaten this well in ages.

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