I’m just not handling this. I can feel myself flying out of control. I’m sitting here now and I know that I won’t sleep tonight, I didn’t sleep last night and I am so fucking horny. It’s not fun, I realise that I’m going off the rails because of it. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I can feel myself slipping, I’m aware of having to consciously control myself all the time and I’m aware that I’m failing. I’m aware that I have no impulse control.
I’m aware that there isn’t a safe outlet for how I’m feeling. Actually there isn’t an outlet, safe or otherwise, really at the moment. I feel so trapped and I’m starting to freak out. I feel like I’m stuffed full of this energy and these thoughts and I can’t get them out and they’re bouncing around inside me, ripping me apart. I feel like I’m going to burst or explode. I want to go running, screaming into the night, I just want to let it all out and I can’t.