Why is it that when they turn me down I’m mean to be all “Okay, no means no, blah blah blah” but when I’m like “Actually I’m not interested right now” they throw a massive hissy fit, call me everything under the sun. and threaten never to sleep with me again?

The other thing is that no doesn’t always mean no. CM is like “Stop it, I’m not interested” and I shrug and I’m like “whatever” and a week later she’s like “You know when I told you to stop” and I just laughed and played innocent as she’s like “Actually I like the attention and the feeling of being wanted”. So now I can lay it on her with a trowel. I see this so often, women say no so often and then when you’re like “alright then, I’m going to see if X wants my attention” then suddenly they’re like “noooooo, give me the attention”.

Most women quite like it if a man is persistent, in my experience. A lot of women I know will say no just to test a guy out and see if he’s seriously interested or if he will run away at the first hurdle. Pretty much like Dakota; I’m always quietly there, always serious about her, I don’t suffocate her, but every once in a while I remind her that I’m serious about her and not to be funny but if anyone has a serious shot at being with her it’s me. Thing is about Dakota is that she knows that every guy wants to fuck her but she doesn’t think anyone is serious about her, then there’s me and I’m not going anywhere, I’m not changing my tune.

When women throw the kitchen sink at you and you’re like “Still want you” they start taking you seriously, if nothing else because you’re confident enough to handle their rejection. This is what I’ve learned from having female friends and sleeping with them and having them say no and then when I back off them saying “What? You’re going to give up that easily”. You don’t come across as confident and assertive if you can be easily shot down.

I think S is right, and C for that matter, I’m fascinated by women. Not just the sex, everything, the whole “feminine” thing I’m fascinated by, the whole way of being. Like this. I can watch S getting ready to go out, putting the hair falls in, putting together her whole gothy outfit, doing her make up, the whole lot and I find it all fascinating and kind of intoxicating. That’s the thing about women: about two thirds of them can’t even pull off sexy, about a third can, and a tiny minority, maybe 1-5% take things beyond sexy to a place that is usually reserved for religion because there is something above human about them, something divine. You don’t want to fuck them, you want to join with them, become one with them, surrender yourself to them, lose yourself in them. There’s that Aiki thing going on; the desire to join, blend, harmonise, seek a spiritual union with.

Actually that’s something feminism has never really embraced or discovered; that feminine way of being strong. Some women have called ,mainstream feminism “masculine feminism” because it can imitate the way men do things, but it can’t find a genuinely female way of being powerful or a genuinely female existence.


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