I am much like a yoyo. Up, down, up, down.  Last night I sat on my bed with my head in my hands and I just felt like everything was hopeless and pointless. I went to bed and I layed there in the dark and I thought things over and I felt that things were okay. I find myself in this battle where I feel like my life is over and then something like self-confidence kicks in; I become aware of my own determination, my own tenacity, the fact that I do not seem to be able to give up; the assumption that I’m reasonably intelligent and that reassures me and I start to feel positive.

I’m thinking a lot about writing too: this is the season for it and depression is the feeling for it. Mainly it’s the structure and story arc of the novel: I’ve got plenty of material, it’s just a case of making a story out of it.

Also I found out today that Jboy bought Neuromancer which is interesting because I also bought Neuromancer the other day, so I want to have read that ready for Tuesday night drinking club. This is mildly interesting also because I’m in a cyberpunk kind of mood. If S was here I’d be like, “Get gothed up to fuck and let’s go for a drive around town” because I miss those nights when we would just go driving around town purely for the cyberpunk feel of it.


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