I hope this is just the hangover, although I don’t really have one. If not I’ve got a touch of depression because I’ve been mildly beating myself up since last night. Earlier I even managed to find myself buried under the covers weeping.
I suppose I just feel lonely and unattractive and useless. I feel like a failure. I feel lost and fragile. I think Dakota is going to get with some girl, which doesn’t help. All in all I just wish I could turn my emotions off right about now. I feel quite alone with it all, not so much because I don’t want to burden people with it but I don’t think that talking about it would help all that much.
It doesn’t help that I’m always a little bit tired. I know I was quite subdued yesterday at Gman’s. I think I need a pint or two before I can even start talking to people at the moment; I’m just not in the mood to be sociable.
On the upside this leaves more time for reading. The European Miracle: Environments, Economies and Geopolitics in the History of Europe and Asia arrived yesterday and I’ve started on Icarus Fallen. I find Icarus Fallen a bit challenging to read because it’s written in that flowery, metaphor laden prose that the French love and apparently can’t understand either because virtually every point ends with, “In other words” and then everything is restated in plain language.
So I’ve put some jazz on and I’m hunkering down in my room. Earlier I figured out how to use my blu-ray player’s web browser to get Xhamster on my new huge TV. This, I feel, is a great achievement.