I really rather enjoy my somewhat impoverished bohemian kind of life that revolves around books, intellectual arguments with people just for the sake of arguing, films, games etc. I think the thing that value most is free time to ruminate, cogitate and masturbate and at the moment I have enough of it and I really value that. Also I tend to look at people and I wonder who they would be if they just had time to explore themselves. So many people define themselves by their job and I really hate it.
I see so many people with their bourgeois lives and they look, and often feel, so trapped but then ironically the whole thing is about security, the whole lifestyle is about securing the continuity of the lifestyle and trying to get more security. The bourgeoisie are terrified of instability or change so they insulate themselves as best as they can against it with rules and status and trying to get on the property ladder. I think maybe Satré was onto something when he said that what terrifies most people is the knowledge that they had free will and so the bourgeois life is all about restricting the range of free will by rules and conventions and the need to maintain a lifestyle so that that fear of free will is ameliorated as much as possible.
I think this is why women like me; I don’t heap cares on myself so that I have something to care about. I don’t create worries like bills and status anxiety so that I have fixed reference points and as a result I live freely by most people’s standards. I can afford to be my own master, think my own thoughts, dream my own dreams, say what I like to whomever I like. I’m not conditioned by a career into having a corporation friendly demeanor, I’m just me. So many men are so bland and they such because their personality has to function in a corporate environment and so it’s restricted and narrowed, lobotomised even, to fit into this construct that we call “professionalism” but which in fact is just zombieism.
Of course women like bland men for relationships, or the bourgeois women do, because bland men don’t do anything unpredictable, they don’t exercise their free will suddenly one morning and book tickets to Paris rather than the office just because they can. In fact they exercise free will only inside certain socially acceptable, career progressing, social status enhancing, boxes. They’re good providers of security and stability, those two most bourgeois of values.
I think this is why I am so indifferent to women so much of the time, there aren’t many bohemian women; creative, intelligent, free spirited, truly independent women. There are just these zombies shaped by the rat race to meet the demands of the corporate world and who are happy if they can open a bottle of prosecco or rosé when they get home, have two foreign holidays a year and make it into middle management. If they read then they read chick lit and romance novels about rich bourgeois men who find it romantic to pay all her bills or the fling with the bohemian type to escape the boredom of the bourgeois man.
These are women who have relationships rather than love affairs. It’s all conducted rationally, according to the rules that comprise social acceptability and permit the continuance of corporate life. Impulsivity giving way to the practical, the needs of human to the needs of the corporation.