The other thing is that I think I have a touch of depression. I noticed this on Tuesday when I found myself staring out of the window just zoned out, lost in thought without the thought part. Dakota went back to uni and I haven’t seen her. Can’t remember if I blogged about it but I sent her a text inviting her for a drink and she ignored me as usual, so I sent one saying that I often felt that she hated me because she always ignores me and that this was a shame because I really want to reach that person who talks to me about Freud and Nietzsche late into the night. Anyway, a couple of hours later there’s a post on FB where she says that if she doesn’t text anyone back it’s not to be taken personally.

I hate that. I hate that even when we’re alone together we have these general conversations, like suddenly she’ll start asking about how I feel about relationships and we’ll talk generally and I’m left wondering if we’re really talking about us. On it’s own I’d say that we’re just talking generally apart from it’s really weird  how we talk generally so much about so many personal things and that we only talk this way when we’re alone together.

A friend of mine told me that I’m her security blanket: I’m always there when she needs someone or needs a pick me up. She can start randomly texting me at four am and tell me how lonely she feels.

Other than that I just feel like shit. I can’t get anything done. As soon as I’m sat down that’s it, summoning the will to get up and do something is an effort.

I hope this passes quickly.


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