Arousal.

I actually find that I very, very, very rarely feel lust. I think this might be a mania thing: when you’ve experienced mania the rest of life kinda has the volume turned down. Generally I find that few things excite me and I’m seldom impressed by anything. I’ve been in situations where I pretty much expected to die and found the experience a bit dull; boredom is a big part of my life.

So back to lust: I see women day in, day out, and only rarely do I see one I find attractive. As in if I mooched about town for four or five hours passing hundreds or thousands of women I might see one I found attractive. Might.

Then there are stippers: I think that maybe to actually elicit arousal a woman basically has to be naked and I have to be in a seedy, hypersexualised, environment. Or they have to be someone like S: a goth who habitually goes out dressed in a hypersexualised way. Even with the nonsexual stuff; for me to take an interest in a woman I have to feel that she is deeply intellectual or I switch off. I get bored.

So when I think about it I’m in constant need of stimulation or boredom sets in, even if it’s just reading a book. Now that I’ve said that I wonder if I’m a compulsive reader because it allows an escape from perpetual boredom. I seldom go anywhere without a book. Even if I’m meeting friends for lunch I take a book.

Actually I’m finding this a bit boring now if I’m honest.

 

Toodles.

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