It’s like, I’ve done everything that I’m meant to do, I’ve chased other women, I’ve done the sleeping around thing, I’ve done the having a fuck buddy thing, I try and meet yet more bloody women, I’m constantly chatting away on my phone to them all and it does no good. I wake up in the morning and I think of her, and during the day I wonder how she is, and I wonder when she’ll be back from uni and when I go to bed I think of her. None of this is because I enjoy it, I miss her, I know that I’m nearly almost certainly on a wild goose chase but I can’t really do anything about how I feel.
The other thing is that I’m just totally uninspired by the women I meet. They’re nice enough, often they’re really quite attractive, occasionally more attractive than her, but they don’t have that intellect, that way of being, that soul.
I tell you where I am: I can’t really be bothered to seriously chase sex and I’ve realised that this is because I actually want more than just sex. Even when I sleep with S it’s more than just sex even though we’re still friends. The idea of just having some wham bam thank you mam style sex…….there are times it appeals, but not long enough for me to do anything about it. There are women I want to fuck…………but not enough to bother about.
Her, though, it’s not even a sex thing. I want to be snuggled up to her naked. I want to be gazing into her eyes, her nipple in my mouth with her thighs around my waist, her arms around my shoulders and a hand on the back of my head as she kisses my forehead. That’s what I want. After that I want to throw her on all fours, grab her hips and make her massive tits shake like they’ve never shaken before and then cum all over her, but first I want the snuggles. I want to lay there vulnerable in her arms feeling totally safe and supported.