So careful examination of the certificate, a mere five years after it was issued, has resulted in the realisation that I am not a qualified assistant instructor………I’m actually qualified as a full blown instructor. This is why sending us on courses is always of dubious value: our interest in the course only goes as far as wondering what time lunch is and what’s for lunch. Our dojo basically has no interest in anything except food, we’re not even interested in what the course is actually about.

Sensei says, “Go on a course” so we go on a course and we get there and we’re like, “What time’s lunch?”. Guaranteed the round trip is three hours and all that time will be devoted to the discussion of food. We’re in car, blasting through the Cotswolds on the way to Gloucester at 90mph and we’re like, “Yeah, but if you roast it with just a little bit of smoked paprika…….”.


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