Le Blonde Chaude.

So, one was in Starbucks, that den of iniquity and dire coffee; the kind of place that if hell exists, would be the only place that sold coffee in hell. C was with me, which only made the following more curious because as we were coming in I noticed a woman. At first I thought it was India, but closer inspection revealed that, actually, it was not in fact India.

There she was feet up on a chair, busy with her phone, casual and confident as anything. This alone caught my attention and her inordinately long blonde hair had absolutely nothing to do with my interest and went entirely unnoticed. I always find it interesting when I see a woman lounging around like she owns the place because women generally don’t do this and so when they do it’s generally a sign of confidence, and I like confidence.  Even men generally don’t sit around like they own the place; she was fit and she knew it, but in a casual, detached kind of a way, like it was boring to her that she, sat in the centre of the room, was also the centre of male attention.

So there she sat, smoldering and this is a very florid blog post and is rapidly taking on all kinds of literary pretentions, but I quite like it; I digress. So there she sat, smoldering in the way that makes you want to stare and stare and stare and the more that you try to stop yourself the harder it becomes not to. I found myself frequently giving in, but keeping myself to furtive little glances over my phone as we waited for our drinks but within moments I realised that this was cowardly beta male behavior and most beneath my dignity.

There being a bench by the counter I sat myself down facing her and within a few seconds I caught her eyes, held them for a second or two and looked back to my phone. Then, by luck, a nutter walked in. The kind of nutter that you know will immediately make a beeline for the most attractive woman in the room and attempt to strike up a conversation, only to be totally ignored and sure enough the inevitable happened and the nutter, after acquiring a drink, dancing around the room and talking to all and sundry as if they were his best mates, sat right behind her and from this most unadvantageous position proceeded vainly to try and get her attention. I say vainly, he did indeed get her attention, but in fact I was the beneficiary of this.

I looked at him, looked at her, held her gaze and rolled my eyes with a little smile, and then quickly looked away. From then on it was game on, each little gaze a little longer than the last. I caught her looking at me, she caught me looking at her and it got to the point where I was actually starting to feel uncomfortable at how long bit of eye contact was getting.

Naturally the lunatic’s antics continued as he loudly engaged with the staff and another female customer, regaling her with stories about his life, and talking about his enormous stick. This would be a filthy reference but for the fact that he’d actually walked in carrying a six foot long wooden staff, a six foot long wooden staff with the apparently necessary addition of a ten year old sock on the bottom which, one learned from his conversation with the female customer, belonged to his four year old son, who is now fourteen, thus rendering the approximate age of the sock at ten years. Why the sock is at all important to this post is something of a mystery but for the bizarreness of it all and the even more bizarre notion that some female person somewhere apparently decided to procreate with this person. I digress.

So the lunatic’s antics continued and the eye contact blossomed into smiles and smirks at appropriate junctures and then C left to make a phone call and there was me, the blonde, and the lunatic who by this time was telling the female customer of how his ex, who is a martial artist, but not as a good a martial artist as him, slapped him really hard and it took all his self control not to cry. Now it became time to think about making some kind of move and the natural and obvious choice in a drink selling establishment was to buy her a drink, the eye contact now was regular and steady………….and then her boyfriend rocked in and she left with one last long parting glance.

Bummer.

Somewhat related woman news to follow.

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