So I had/have a blog post about my geopolitical insights based on reading Livy but, alas, depression has robbed one of one’s faculties. Normal service will resume.
What’s on my mind now is this drama between C and I. We have this conversation: something happens in the department to someone else, C gets into a tizz about it: Why are they getting it, they don’t deserve it, the urge to email someone senior and complain about it. It’s a regular conversation and at 2am on Monday morning, having had four hours sleep, with depression and recovering from my cousin’s BBQ I was not really in the mood for having it for the umpteenth time, not really psychologically up to it.
I know that C is not in the best of places, but there’s nothing immediately wrong and nothing had actually happened to her, it’s just that something had happened to someone else, they’d got some post or other, and my whole thing is them getting a post is nothing to do with C and it certainly isn’t anything to do with me. Okay, things are not fair, I appreciate that; but the fifty millionth rehash of how unfair things are doesn’t do anything but drive us both mad, and I’m already mad.
So it ends with her saying, “And don’t even think of talking to me about tonight!” and I’m thinking, well, she said that she wasn’t coming tonight anyway because Dakota is going to be there and off the back of that I hadn’t invited her. C didn’t want to make Dakota “uncomfortable” which I take to mean that C isn’t all that comfortable around Dakota, although it’s also true that Dakota would be none too pleased either. Either way it’s not like I’d put any woman in the same room as Dakota after what happened with India. Generally I keep my female friends apart because, generally, when I don’t drama ensues.
I find myself totally perplexed by women recently. This implies there was a time previously where they made sense, so I’ll restate that thought: I am more perplexed than usual about women. There’s the situation with BM, the Dakota thing where the moment we’re alone she gets personal but won’t let me in the rest of the time, the ongoing thing with S and C……….On Friday we went for a drink and we’re sitting there totally chilled and she says, “Would you take a date to the pub?” and there was a couple by us so I thought that she was talking about them. I say that I wouldn’t and she said something like, “So why have you brought me here?”.
Naturally, this was totally unexpected on my part and so I said something like, “Sorry, is this a date?” and she responded with “What else would it be?” and then some statement about us being borderline in a relationship………….Like, maybe if there was sex involved we might be in a relationship. Oh and on top of all that fucking CM was in a right huff with me about something that happened four years ago with another female friend of mine that she can’t let go of.
You know what I think this is? None of these women actually even like me. Seriously. They don’t like me but there aware of all the other women and because of that they’re not entirely sure that I’m not worth having: they’re curious why there are so many women around; they want to know what other women see in me, so they’ll sort of jealously guard me and get in a huff if they see one another, but they would never touch me in a million years. Except S, who’s 99.999% lesbian……….work that one out!
So drama fucking ensued anyway. I didn’t invite C because C didn’t want invited if Dakota was going to be there. So we went to the cinema and Dakota puts a status up on FB mentioning this and then I get a message off C saying “haha, that’s why you didn’t invite me, the down’s is there”. C has this thing where she thinks Dakota looks like someone with Down’s syndrome. Needless to say I’m really not happy with this. I curtly responded that I didn’t invite her because she asked not to be invited and I’ve ignored her since.
I’m tempted to say that, actually, Dakota is someone I care about deeply and I don’t appreciate her being talked about in that manner with the suspicion that C will then say something about me choosing Dakota over her or something………. This is what I’m on about: one woman who wouldn’t touch me with a barge pole angry and jealous about another woman who wouldn’t touch me with a barge pole……..although, more on that later.
So yeah, I’m not happy at the moment.