You know, my life might be quite lonely but it’s intellectually quite rich. If there are blessings to being a bipolar nutcase it’s that you probably have the IQ to appreciate intellectual things and because your life is a total mess you have the time to indulge in them. Maybe that’s one of the reasons so much art and literature and science comes from people with bipolar disorder, apart from the apparent genetic link between intelligence, creativity and being bat shit insane.
This is actually what produces a lot of my loneliness: The number of people I can have a really good conversation with is pretty small, there aren’t many people, like S and C and Jboy, Plato, CC, couple of others, that I can have an intelligent conversation with. There are lots of people around but not many like me. I’m not in a milieu where intellect is common or appreciated.
It’s nice having my sense of self worth back though. It’s still evaporates now and then but it pretty much back. Not having it is like not having myself, like being a hole which other people fill with their judgements. It’s nice having my mind back.