Blah – update.

So I’m still waiting for a psychiatrist for this assessment. I’ve been watching a lot of Jordan Peterson videos and thinking things over and I think that this is actually an existential crisis type of depression rather than a chemical imbalance type depression: Life just isn’t great at the moment.

I’m worried about the Paris with Dakota thing: admittedly it’s always been a longshot thing but I thought that I would at least be in the financial position to be thinking about it seriously and I’m just not and of course she’s totally uncommunicative, as usual.  I just feel like I’ve been working my arse off for six months and I don’t see it paying off in anyway.  I have been working my arse off too: my boss loves me, I’ve got a reputation for being on the ball and hard working but it’s not paying off; it’s not getting me any further to where I want to be. Or at least it feels that way a lot of the time.

That said I feel quite optimistic a lot of the time too. I’m banging out lots of applications to try and move myself a long and I’m starting to focus on what I need to do for my 2nd dan grading.

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