Blah.

It’s actually quite funny at this point because I’ll be out with a female friend and I’ll be having a whine about some knuckle dragger leaving the pub with some quite hot woman and I’ll be like, “I’m obviously lower down on the pecking order than him” and my friend will be all, “Umm, well you know, not really because, uh, umm, you see it’s not like that because” and I’m like “Really? Even you won’t fuck me” and eventually it leads to, “Yeah, that total knuckle dragger is higher on the pecking order than you are”. It’s like: don’t bullshit me. Don’t ask me to believe things that I see aren’t happening. Don’t give me that crap that women like intelligent men or educated men or whatever because it’s demonstrable horseshit.

A few months back a friend of a friend was all, “Don’t worry, soon you’ll be getting laid because women at your age have gotten over the whole bad boy thing and they want someone nice like you” and I was utterly devastated. Now though I’m like, “What makes you think that I want the women that you’re talking about?”.

Like I’m totally aware that there are a shit ton of women who are single in their mid-thirties because they made really poor choices when they were in their twenties, umm, guess what? If you think that you could possibly settle for me then you can fuck off. Brass tacks, you’re at an age where you look ten years older than I do, I get told that I’m 25 all the time so why am I going to get up with some wrinkly over the hill mess that is only with me because her juvenile fantasies about civilising some bad boy have left her, best case scenario, single and wrinkly at 35, or as a single mother?

You can fuck off if you think that I’m settling for you. Especially at a period in my life where the money situation means that I can date women ten years younger than your wrinkly ass. Like, I’m used to being on my own at this point. I don’t like it, but I can hack it. I’m not desperate to be with someone anymore and so when I see your washed up, fucked loose by every “bad boy” going ass trying to make out that now you want me I’m like, “No, go try someone else”. You played the game, and you lost, have another cake to add to your 300lbs.

I see so many of my female friends hit thirty, lose a load of weight, sign up to every dating site and app going and they end  up angry as fuck because guess what? Every guy they wanted is now married and the guys that are left are the guys that they don’t want. They confused the fact that guys will fuck anything with the strange idea that they were particularly attractive and so they assumed that getting into a relationship would be easy and now they realise that they wasted a whole load of time and they’re not 25 anymore, they’re a boring and frumpy thirty something who has to be in bed by 11 for work in the morning and they’re competing with slim and trim twenty somethings who have the energy to be out all night.

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