Money. Women. Sex.

Really what I am is a loser who can’t get laid. I’m 34, I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’ve never had regular sex most of “my” sex life is conducted vicariously. I want to see CC fucked by BBC because, in the final analysis, I see this as more likely as CC actually wanting to fuck me.

I’m actually quite scared. I’m scared because up until now I’ve been able to use my rather low income as an excuse but now, in the next few months, I could find myself with 20K of disposable income because IQ predicts income and my IQ is pretty high and income wise, things are about to take off for me. Which is fine if I finally have regular sex. If I don’t then I’ll be suicidal.

I can see me becoming so cynical. I can see me having 20k to play with after bills and not having anyone to fuck and ending up paying an escort which is going to totally fuck up my relations with women afterwards because I’m going to see all women as basically escorts.

Look at it from my perspective:  You get rejected by every woman you’ve ever wanted but now you’ve got money and someone wants you: try not to see the important thing in this equation as the money: you’re paying a woman to fuck you regardless of if they’re an escort or a nominal girl friend.

I can see myself in a restaurant with this woman thinking, “Six months ago, if I couldn’t afford to bring you here, you wouldn’t have fucked me”. I can see it: me sipping my customary double espresso looking at her over the top of  the cup thinking: “Okay, maybe you’re not conscious of it, but I am: I’m buying a fuck.”

In three months the only thing that will have changed about me is my income. If I’m getting laid in three months it’ll be because of my income. That being the case I know of an escort who has huge boobs and she’s gorgeous and if I’m going to blow a couple of hundred quid, what does it matter if I blow it on her rather than some other woman?

Oh you love me?  Would you have loved me three months ago when I was dirt poor? You don’t love me now but you’ll fuck me because I have the money.

I worry for me because I don’t think that I can break this way of thinking.

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