Ears are clearing up. Fucking w00t.
May be going hyper manic.
Not down. Up! Up! Up!
What even is homecoming? Like in the UK we get all this American stuff and we’re just like, “What are the Americans on about?” “Dunno. They’re Americans, aren’t they?” “Tea?” “Yeah”. Literally. Watching this. Ask ye not. Funny! When I was a teenager it was mainly all about the air cadets, shooting, flying, fieldcraft….principles of flight, air nav, meteorology, airmanship, chemical warfare training and what to do in the event of WW3, how to take a shit in the woods.
This has memories. We got dragged off to the local uni for a lecture on Physics, I suspect this was to sell us the idea of doing physics at uni. No idea. Anywho. We went for lunch and S and I and about half of us ended up in the student union drinking. We might have been underage. Anywho so we end up in this shop and Teenage dirtbag is playing and here’s S and I with this whole dance routine bopping away in a world of our own.
I miss S dearly. I don’t miss those days per se. Mostly they were about being bullied and although I remember them now through rose tinted glasses now I end up reminding myself that I was depressed nearly all the time and always being picked on. Columbine was the best thing that ever happened to me. Lots of people at school realised that maybe picking on the kid who knew his way around an SA80 and various pistols might not end well for them. I got left alone after that for the most part. My deep appreciation to American lunatics shooting up schools. *thumbs up*
I think S is coming over soon actually. Getting hold of her isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Then it’s all, “Hi! Yeah, my flight gets in at 8am tomorrow, I’ll see you at 9!”. We were a pair of fuck ups clinging to each other for dear life, almost literally. Probably still are in way. She had such wild wild mania. Then they’d med her up to the eyeballs and she’d be a zombie and then she’d stop taking the meds and she’d be off manic as fuck again. No inhibitions, no control, no filter, no “Should I say this?” just “You’re a twat” or she’d just punch you. Loved her for it. There’s a freedom to not caring about yourself, you can do anything, because consequences don’t matter to you when you don’t matter to you. Don’t let anyone tell you that self-destruction can’t be fun, just remember that the fun is there to take the pain away.
I can feel everything around me. I’m keyed to fuck.
Sometimes I just write for the sake of it. There is no meaning. Nihilism. I’m so bored. I need to sleep really but I’m so keyed up. Mind. Is. Racing.