Hell raising.

I had a fucked up dream last night. So……C drags me to see Hereditary on Friday night. Critics are all over it but personally I was bored for all six weeks of the firm. It’s the usual thing: Creepy wooden house in the forest in the middle of fuckknowswhere USA. Granny dies, but granny happens to be a fucking cult leading witch trying to summon a demon, as one does.

Fast forward to last night and I’m playing Doom. If you haven’t played any of the Doom series you basically have no life.

So one fucks off to the land of Nod and yeah, the land of Nod is a fucking creepy ass wooden house in the forest in the middle of fuckknowswhere USA and to quote the computer in Doom, demonic presence was at unsafe levels. Naturlich one was running around the house trying to get out being chased by all and sundry and one was not placed in an unduly discommodious mood by this: nightmares tend not to be scary to me because reasons, but one was rather motivated to get the fuck out of the house.

At some point I found myself running for the front door, which was open, and just as I got there, yeah, it slammed shut and “the house” cackled at me and told me that I wouldn’t get out alive. Much running around later I found myself barricaded in a sort of workshop in the basement in which I found a hammer, a hacksaw, a double barreled shotgun and enough ammunition to start world war three, which is useful in a semi-ww3 type situation. I sort of rate being in a possessed house full of demons as kind of in shit/10.

Needless to say the barrel lost a few inches while the scratching on the doors and walls picked up. Then I sat down on a chair and decided to have a think about the situation, at which point it seemed unlikely that YT was getting out. So I pulled my phone out and lo and behold I had a good wifi signal so I opened up YouTube and put the Doom theme on loop, put my earphones in, loaded up just as they came through the door. I’m like, “So, you want to raise hell, eh?” and then pulled the trigger which mowed down a fuck ton of demons.

There was a lot of shooting, a lot of bludgeoning things to death with a hammer until everything went quiet and I found myself by the front door absolutely covered in blood. Then I was like, “Open the fucking door before I blast it off the hinges” and the door opened and that was that.

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