Suits

It’s interesting walking through town and seeing all these guys in suits. It really makes me grimace. Like half of them look like rejected fashion models/slightly too camp to project an air of competence and most of the rest look like they think that they’re eighteen and going to a prom or they’re some kind of dodgy used car salesmen. It’s a quarter to a half inch of cuff, not half your fucking sleeve!

A man should never attempt to look flash, because it never works out. At best you look like the young buck who’s trying to make an impression, which immediately signals that you’re the young buck who hasn’t got anywhere in life yet. Also I think that generally, as a man, avoiding fashion and sticking with style, especially classic style, is probably the best course.

Advertisements

Hmm.

Sartorial question of the day: Cufflinks with sports jacket? I shall enquire of the paternal figure since he has a wealth of sartorial knowledge. This generally devolves into a, “What do the army do?” discussion since the British Army has all kinds of ideas on how a man, or at least the officers, should dress in and out of uniform and with dad’s background what the army does is what is done and is the only correct way.

One of those things.

Seeing red

Speaking of clothes, if you want to piss off every man you know, wear red. In fact in general if you’re a guy and you don’t like getting gawked at by other men, do not dress well at all. Just do the jeans, t-shirt and scruffy trainers routine that 90% of guys do. That’s sneakers for those readers unfortunate enough to have not been taught English in school. I digress. Honestly, you put a pair of smart chinos on, wear a shirt with a collar, a nice pair of shoes and a sports jacket and it’s like you suddenly sprout G cup boobs because men just stare and stare at you.

Blahh

Bllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Feel like shit. I’m listening to grunge and Deftones, this is what I listen to when I’m feeling like telling the world to fuck off. 

Quite surprisingly clothes are now an important part of my life. For perspective from 17 to 29 I wore nothing but black. Now I find myself dribbling over catalogues although I seem to have settled on one company in London who just make amazingly good stuff for very good prices vis Charles Tyrwhitt. Suits. I actually really love suits.

Now I should say that there are suits and there are suits. There are those nasty, shapeless, off the peg things that people ware to work and end up looking like lost school boys in. I should say that here virtually every senior school uniform includes a blazer with a dark pair of trousers, kinda looks suit like, so said suit wearers look like that. Then there are suits which make you look like the dogs bollocks. I’m eyeing up a suit at the moment.

The other day I had occasion to wear a suit and I was at the station with the other besuited personages that reside around here. It was a sorry sight. “You’ll grow into it” were the words that came to mind. Some were clearly under the impression that they were gorillas judging by how long they thought their arms were. 

Charcoal and black are two colours that a suit should never be. Never. Again they look like a school uniform and they lack personality and as I see things clothes are all about personality. There’s a difference between wearing something and rocking it and charcoal and black suits….very hard to rock them. I mean yeah black suits have the whole reservoir dogs look to them,  but you have to be rocking them with a reservoir dogs attitude and most guys just can’t do it and you can’t do it with a baggy ass work suit. Just can’t. You just end up looking like some totally defeated, sorry ass person, which you’re not telling me helps with your job. Dress sloppy, think sloppy, sit sloppy. Fucking, just are sloppy.

Off on a tangent, I think Mason Moore is my new favourite pornstar. Gianna Michaels used to be until she effectively retired, a sad day for all humanity. See if you’re bimbling around and Mason Moore appears before you, y’all better be looking godlike and a decent suit, or decent clothes gives you edge to go “pft” or “tss” and turn away like she’s the biggest joke you’ve ever seen and not worth your time, when she tries shit testing you. This is remarkably effective. About four seconds later you get this tap on the shoulder and I’m like “Now what?” 

Okay this is shifting into mania,